April 6, 2012

I'm crying some serious tears. Tears of joy, that is.

This isn't really anything geek-related, just a little something about me. Feel free to join me after the jump if you wish. I'll explain as best as I can.

I like to think of myself as a pretty nice and intelligent guy. But there are moments where I knock myself down a few pegs to keep my ego from running rampant. This is commonly referred to as "self-deprecation". Honestly, I never thought I'd become someone who lets their ego get the better of them. That is, until a few years ago.

I didn't realize how big of a dick I was til a good friend of mine ended that friendship because I was apparently treating her like crap. When it hit me, I didn't know what to think. I felt horrible, and I was afraid she really meant it, despite her tendency to get upset easily. I was afraid to call up her parents to discuss it. Mostly because it might have gotten back to her, and she'd think I was stalking her.

I ultimately decided it was best that I keep my distance for the time being, despite being friends with her mom and brother on Facebook. All the while, I felt terrible about what I allowed myself to become, and that it cost me a friendship with someone I had known since we were in middle school. Now, you may be wondering why I made such a big deal about this.

You see, I treasure what friends I have very much, so this hit me like a ton of bricks. I was worried that she'd forever remember me as the formerly loyal friend who grew up to become an egocentric asshole who only cared about himself. I went way too far, and didn't realize it til it was too late.

Years passed, and I tried not to let the worries about my friend affect me too much. But every once in awhile, they'd creep in, and it'd bring me down. But today, that emotional weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I feel so much better. "What happened?" you may be wondering.

Well, I logged onto my Twitter today, just to peruse stuff the people I follow were saying and also to check if I anyone had mentioned me in the last few hours. I was shocked to see a Tweet from someone saying that they used to have a crush on me in high school, but not anymore. I replied to it, asking who they were, and how they knew me to use my username so freely. A short bit of memory jogging later, it hit me that it was my friend!

She had been under the impression that I was mad at her for ending our friendship. I explained to her that I wasn't mad and that I was upset, and felt I was totally at fault for forcing her to do that. I profusely apologized to her about all the crap I had done to her and after awhile, we began rekindling our friendship. I even began to cry a little, because I never thought she'd be able to forgive me.

This whole thing feels like an early Easter miracle, and I'm feeling overjoyed that I can finally let this burden go after all this time. I'm gonna try my hardest to make sure there isn't a repeat of what she did the last time. I'm also gonna try to be the loyal friend again and support her through thick and thin. It's not gonna be easy, I know that much. But you know what? I'm fine with that. It's my emotional cross to bear, and I'm gonna stick to it as best I can, dammit!

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